ShinKicking Armadillos
by Andromeda Silver
Summary: Worst off world mission EVER!


Author's notes: I was in a weird mood. That's about as best an explanation as I can give. Special thanks to my "psychologist" and pseudo-beta, my sister IceQueen1 for the title and checking to make sure this sounded right…or weird...yes. Anyway, read, review, do whatever the hell you feel like doing.

****

"Ever notice how we travel light years all over the galaxy and still most of these planets look just like Canada?" Jack observed as he prodded a shrub with his P-90.

Suddenly a reddish, furry streak flew out of the bushes at Jack. "Gah!" O'Neill yelled as the thing impacted his chest. He looked down and came face to face with a pair of large obsidian eyes. "Umm…Daniel," Jack said, staring at the alien attached to his midsection, "what the hell is this thing? Get it off me!"

The colonel tried to shake off the alien, cursing under his breath the entire time. The creature took no interest in anything he said or did. All it did was latch itself tighter around O'Neill's waist, nuzzle the colonel, and purr.

Jack turned to Daniel and said, "I'm not getting through to this thing that its claws are sinking deeper into my flesh every time I breathe! It hurts!"

Dr. Jackson tried to hide a small smile with his patented quizzical look. "Don't just stand there, Daniel," Jack growled. "Get this thing off me!"

"Uh, I'll try," replied Daniel. He said "hello" in four or five different languages, none to which the creature responded. 

"That's not exactly what I had in mind," Jack said. "I meant physically remove this thing from me, not talk to it."

Dr. Jackson looked up at O'Neill. "Just because it doesn't look human doesn't mean that we can't try speaking with it." Daniel stepped closer to Jack and said to the alien, "Hi," then pointed to himself. "Daniel. Dan-iel."

Suddenly the creature perked up its ears and fixed Daniel with its huge black eyes. It mewed, then cocked its head to one side as if trying to figure out what Daniel was trying to do. "Do you understand me?" Daniel asked, deliberately enunciating each syllable slowly and clearly.

Jack was about to say that he doubted the alien could understand anything any of them said, when the creature squeaked happily and leaped onto Daniel. "Aww," said Jack, "you made a friend. Which means its no longer my friend, and I can walk away from an alien unscathed for once… which is more than I can say for you…"

"Ow!" Daniel hissed as the alien crawled up higher on his torso. "I see what you mean about the claws." The creature drew nose-to-nose with Daniel and cooed in a questioning tone. "Do you understand me?" the archeologist repeated. "Nod if you do, and shake your head if you don't."

"Daniel, I don't think--" Jack began, but he stopped midsentence when the creature's fur changed from rusty red to a sunny yellow.

"Now that's a monkey of a different color!" exclaimed the colonel.

Sam shot Jack a quizzical look. "Sir, that creature looks nothing like a monkey."

"Oh really, Carter?" asked Jack. "Then what do you think it looks like?"

"Well, sir, I'd say that it looks more like a ferret than anything else," Sam replied. "Except for the bushy tail and color-changing coat, of course." She stepped closer to the creature and Daniel, who bit his lip to keep from yelping in pain as the creature settled on his shoulder. "Hi," she addressed the alien. It turned its head from snuffling Dr. Jackson's hair and sniffed her hand as she reached out to it. "My name is Sam. Sam…"

The alien turned a burning red, hissed, and sliced Sam's hand with its claws. Both Carter and Daniel yelped in pain, and the creature growled like a housecat as it dug deeper into Daniel's shoulder. Both Jack and Teal'c jumped and brought their weapons to bear on the alien ferret. Bleeding profusely, Sam wrapped her hand in a bandana she found in her pocket but didn't step far from Daniel and the creature.

"Sam, back away!" Dr. Jackson exclaimed through gritted teeth. "Please, back away now!"

"Carter, you ok?" asked Jack as Sam's hand bled profusely.

"Sir, do I look ok?" snapped Carter.

Jack immediately aimed his P-90 at the alien ferret. "Daniel, I'm gonna shoot your little friend there."

"No, no, no! WAIT!" Daniel yelled, waving his hands to get Jack to stop.

"Daniel, I suggest you put down that...thing...before I have to shoot it off you."

"Yes, it attacked Sam, but not you or me," replied Dr. Jackson. "From this alien's behavior, I believe it—err, _she_ is a very territorial female who saw Sam as—uh—a competitor for her—um—chosen males, you could say."

Jack lowered his P-90 and gave Daniel a look as if he had just told him monkeys could fly. "Let me get this straight. You think that the alien is a girl that has a crush on you and me, and that's why it tried to rip off Carter's hand?"

"Basically she's claimed us as her mates," Daniel elaborated, "at least me anyway." As if to confirm this, the alien changed back to her original rust color, curled herself around Daniel's neck like a living stole and purred. He sighed, "She retracted her claws finally! Must live in these trees to have such sharp ones."

The creature sniffed Daniel's face and ear. "Minkey!" she purred.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Apparently the alien is capable of verbal communication."

"'Minkey' is not a word, Teal'c," retorted Jack. "At least not in any language I know."

"Don't you only know English?" asked Daniel.

"And 'minkey' isn't a word in the English language, now is it?" Jack shot back.

Daniel tried to shrug as best he could with the ferret-like alien curled up across his shoulders. "I guess you have a point there," he conceded.

After SG-1 stood around for several long moments, Sam said, "So…now what do we do?"

Jack looked around the rest of the surrounding wooded area. "Check the rest of this place out," he replied. "The UAV picked up something here Hammond thought was worth coming for. I take it you want to stay here and talk to your new friend, Daniel?"

Dr. Jackson was so engrossed in trying to imitate the alien's cooing noises that Teal'c had to prod him in the ribs with his staff weapon to get the archeologist to look up. "Oh, yeah, sure," Daniel replied and immediately went back to "talking" to the alien around his neck.

"Just make sure that there isn't a repeat of the yak incident, ok?" Jack added with a snide grin. 

Daniel glared at O'Neill. "That was an isolated incident, Jack. Besides, this creature seems perfectly harmless." To prove his point, the archeologist scratched the alien behind her ear, and she purred loudly.

_That's what he said about the yak, too, before it dragged him halfway across Abydos and I had to chase down his lousy carcass_, Jack thought as he waved a dismissive hand at the scientist and addressed the rest of the team. "Ok, this place looks pretty abandoned. Carter, where's this thing we're supposed to be checking out?"

"It's about a click southwest of here, sir," replied Sam. "It looked to be some sort of ruin before we lost telemetry."

"Ooo, ruins," said Jack, rubbing his hands together. "That means you're coming with us, Danny boy. You can talk to your friend on the way there, don't worry."

Daniel made no indication that he'd heard a word either Carter or O'Neill had said.

"Teal'c, hit him again," said Jack.

A faint smile played across Teal'c's face as he nodded and jabbed his staff weapon into the archeologist's ribs again.

"Ow!" moaned Daniel. "You didn't have to do that, Teal'c."

"I was merely following Colonel O'Neill's orders, Daniel Jackson," replied Teal'c.

"All right, Carter, now that we've got everyone together, lead the way," said Jack, waving the major ahead of him.

Major Carter led SG-1 into the tree line along a narrow track through the brambles and low-growing vegetation. While they walked along, Daniel tried to communicate with the alien creature wrapped around his neck. At first he attempted to repeat the ferret's cooing sounds, but it proved futile. If he didn't know better, he would have sworn she was laughing at him.

"Ok, I obviously can't speak your language," Daniel sighed. "Can you speak mine?"

The alien merely squeaked and cocked her head.

"Let's start with the basics," said Dr. Jackson. He pointed to himself. "My name is Daniel. Dan-iel. Can you say 'Daniel'?"

"Dahn-ill," purred the alien. She jumped into his arms and squeaked, "Dahn-ill!"

"Now what's your name?"

The alien merely made a long, low hiss.

"Ok, how about I call you Minkey?" asked Daniel. "Do you like the name Minkey?"

The ferret rubbed her head under Daniel's chin and purred louder than ever. "I'll take that as a yes," he muttered.

"Minkey?" asked Sam as she glanced around at Daniel. "How about Norma, as in Norman Bates?" She held up her bandaged hand. "She seems to like to slash women."

"Ha, ha, funny, Sam," muttered Daniel.

SG-1 finally broke through the underbrush into a clearing, in the center of which was a toppled over Egyptian-looking temple built of granite. Dr. Jackson immediately went into archeologist mode and started investigating the ruin. Minkey curled herself around his neck again and purred. Jack, Teal'c, and Sam fanned out to investigate the perimeter.

Everyone whirled around when something large crunched in the bushes beyond the temple. O'Neill, Carter, and Teal'c all aimed their weapons at the source of the noise. Jack approached the spot cautiously and poked the bush with his P-90.

"Nothing," said Jack as he lowered his gun. "All clear. Must've been another one of those things that's so attached to Daniel."

"I don't think so, Jack," replied Daniel. He took off his backpack and set it at the foot of a column. "As soon as she heard the rustling, Minkey hid in my pack."

Jack couldn't help but smile at the bushy tail sticking out of the flap on Daniel's backpack. "Whatever, just investigate this place so we can get outta here."

Dr. Jackson knelt beside a slab that looked like it had been placed next to the temple's door and began taking pictures and videotaping the site.

"Well, it seems that this once was a temple to the Goa'uld Bastet," Daniel said as he straightened up from crouching at the base of a leaning pillar twenty minutes later. "But it's…odd."

"We've seen plenty of Goa'uld temples like this one," Sam said distractedly. Minkey was now glaring at the major from under the flap on Daniel's backpack. If the alien hadn't tried to kill her earlier, Sam might have thought the narrowed black eyes staring at her from the pack comical.

"Yes, but this is the first one where there's been…graffiti all over it," explained Dr. Jackson. He pointed to some symbols that were scratched out and written over in stick-like characters. "These here look like ancient Celtic runes. It doesn't make sense for two totally different languages to be on here."

"Perhaps the native culture of this planet led an uprising against Bastet," suggested Teal'c. "Or perhaps the people formed a formidable resistance, and Bastet killed them as punishment."

"Could be that's the case, Teal'c, but so much of the ruins are overgrown that it's hard to tell if staff weapons destroyed this place…or something else," replied Daniel. "The only problem with your theory is that all the Goa'uld keep their slaves under such tight supervision that they can't do anything without getting noticed. I doubt Bastet would've let slaves get away with writing obscenities on her temple."

"So are we going to hang around here all day guessing as to how these people got blown away, or are we actually going to do something?" asked Jack. To occupy himself while the others prattled on, O'Neill had started to play a sort of game with Minkey. He poked Daniel's bag with his foot, and Minkey reached out from the bag to try to grab his bootlaces.

"Well, I'm going to need more equipment to excavate these ruins…probably SG-11 to help out as well…" replied Dr. Jackson. "I can't do much on my own, and I know you'd rather be doing something else rather than wander around while I dig in the dirt…"

"So let's pack it in, campers, head back to the 'Gate, and tell the general what we've got so far," finished Jack, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

Minkey took advantage of O'Neill's inattention and leaped out of the backpack onto the colonel's foot, clawing at his laces.

"No!" screamed a voice from the bushes. A little girl about seven years old with blonde pigtails charged out of the trees for Minkey. "You can't take my pet!"

Minkey squeaked and dove back into the pack just as the little girl pounced on her.

"Guess not all of them got wiped out," muttered Sam.

"My name's Jack. What's yours?" asked Jack as he knelt down to the girl's level.

"Caitlyn, and you stole my pet!" cried the little girl. Caitlyn tried to grab at Minkey's tail, but Minkey jumped out and scurried up Daniel's leg. Minkey hissed at the girl from atop Daniel's shoulder.

"Umm, are you sure this is your pet?" asked Daniel. "Maybe she's someone else's. She doesn't seem to--"

Caitlyn kicked Daniel hard in the shins, cutting him off. "You give me back my pet before I get mad!" she screamed. She kicked the archeologist again, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Ow! Stop that!" Daniel yelled as he jumped out of the way of Caitlyn's feet.

Sam tried not to laugh at Daniel's pain, but now maybe he knew what it was like to be attacked by the natives for no reason.

"Hey, hey, hey!" exclaimed Jack as he grabbed Caitlyn's arm to keep her from kicking the archeologist again. He too was trying not to smile. _Looks like there are people who don't like Daniel after all_, he thought. "Ok, if that's your pet, then what's her name?" he asked the little girl.

"Juju!" cried another female voice from behind the group. They all turned around to see a girl who looked like a thirteen-year-old version of Caitlyn running out of the trees towards them. Her face was scarlet and contorted into a fierce scowl.

"Caitlyn!" the teenager screamed. "I told you to stop chasing Juju and beating her up, but do you listen? No! What have you done with Juju?"

"I don't have her!" Caitlyn yelled back. She pointed to Dr. Jackson. "That creepy man took her!"

"Creepy man?" O'Neill mouthed to Carter, causing her to grin while Daniel cocked his head and pursed his lips and Teal'c raised his eyebrow.

The teenager froze and stared at SG-1 as if she hadn't noticed them before. They couldn't believe it was possible, but she blushed an even deeper shade of scarlet.

"Uh, hi," Daniel said, clearing his throat. "Is this Juju?" he asked as he lifted the ferret off his shoulders.

The teenager merely made gagging sounds with her mouth hanging open and her blue eyes bulging.

"Ok…well, I'm Daniel, this is Jack, Sam, and Teal'c," said the archeologist as he pointed to his teammates in turn. "What's your name?"

"She's Paige," answered Caitlyn, "my stupid sister."

"Shut up, Caitlyn!" hissed Paige as she hit her sister in the arm. Caitlyn rubbed her arm and glared back.

Paige turned to Jack and gave him a shy smile. "Hi…Jack…I've never seen you before." She twirled a golden lock of hair around her finger.

"That's because we're not from around here," explained Jack. He was trying hard to ignore Paige's doe eyes. "We came through the Stargate, the big stone ring thing back there. Can't miss it."

"We're travelers—explorers from a place called Earth," added Daniel.

"Are there any elders of your people to whom we may speak?" asked Teal'c.

"You mean parents, right?" said Caitlyn. "The village is over there, but don't try anything 'cause my dad will kill you!"

"Caitlyn, stop it!" exclaimed Paige. "I'm sorry," she said to SG-1, but most of her attention was focused on Jack. "My sister doesn't know how to behave around others. I'm sure our parents will be happy to talk to you."

"Thank you," said Daniel. "Would you, um, like, uh, Juju back?" He held the ferret out to Paige.

Paige blushed again, took Juju, and placed the ferret around her shoulders. Juju communicated her disappointment in Daniel by looking over Paige's shoulder with huge, watery black eyes and whimpering. Daniel had never seen anything look so utterly pathetic in his life and felt as if he had kicked Juju.

SG-1 fell into a line behind Paige and Caitlyn as the sisters dragged each other along a narrow path through the woods. Paige kept turning around to smile at O'Neill, and Caitlyn would steal glances at Teal'c and giggle.

"Looks like every female we've encountered has a crush on one of you guys," Sam whispered to Daniel with a grin.

"It's not that funny, Sam," retorted Daniel.

"Yes it is! A ferret has a crush on you!"

"Juju doesn't have a crush on me!"

"See? You're referring to her as if she's a person."

"Juju kicked your ass, Sam."

"Yes, but I'm going to have to kill your girlfriend for that."

"She's a ferret! Juju can't be my girlfriend."

"Aww, but she'd keep you warm at night."

"I didn't tease you nearly this much about that young lieutenant that had a crush on you!"

"Yeah, but this is payback for Juju slicing my hand."

"I got kicked in the shins by a seven-year-old girl! Repeatedly!"

"I wish I had had your video camera for that. I so wanted to show General Hammond how well you communicate with the people of this planet."

"As much as I would enjoy that as well, stop it!" interrupted Jack. "Am I going to have to separate you, children?"

"No, sir," said Carter.

"She started it!" protested Daniel.

"Shut up, Daniel!" retorted Jack. "I don't want to have to give you a time out. You two act too much like brother and sister sometimes."

"You aren't related?" asked Paige and Caitlyn in union.

"Not in the least," replied Daniel and Sam.

Jack muttered to Teal'c, "For crying out loud, Daniel dies and comes back more stubborn than ever. Shoulda kept Jonas."

"I heard that!" called Daniel.

"You were supposed to!" Jack yelled back.

"I do believe a respite from one another and the SGC would be in order at the completion of this mission," said Teal'c.

"Indeed," chorused Sam, Daniel, and Jack.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow as Jack smacked himself in the forehead. "D'oh!" exclaimed the colonel. "Teal'c, whatever you do, don't start sounding like either one of those two back there. I'll go nuts if that happens."

Paige shot Jack a confused look and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, but we're here."

SG-1 looked up to see a sprawl of about a hundred thatched log cottages and huts in a 10-acre clearing. Men, women, and children of all ages, shapes, and sizes were milling around the village at various tasks. Women were bent over cooking fires, stitching clothes, or tending to laughing and running children while men worked anvils, tended to gardens, or took care of livestock.

A blond boy of about eleven and looking suspiciously familiar raced up to Paige and Caitlyn, dragging a bent, six-foot-wide airplane. "Mom's been looking all over for you!" gasped the boy. "Look what I found!"

"Hey, that's our UAV!" exclaimed Carter, pointing to the broken craft. "Where did you find it?"

The boy goggled at the major and said, "You're pretty."

Daniel smiled and batted his eyes at Sam as the major said, "Thanks, I guess. Where did you find that?"

"Uh, I was getting wood in the forest, and it flew overhead," said the boy. "I didn't know what it was, so--"

"You didn't shoot it down with your sling shot, did you, Calvin?" wailed Paige.

"Well, yeah," said Calvin. "You shoulda seen it! It took a perfect dive into a tree after I hit it with only one rock!"

"Hammond's going to be pissed," muttered Jack as Sam took the UAV from Calvin and examined it. "That's the third one we've busted in two months."

"I think I can fix it, sir," said Carter. "It looks as if most of the damage is where Calvin hit the UAV. I think some duct tape would fix it perfectly. Do you have any, sir?"

"What do I look like, MacGyver?" asked Jack.

"Actually, you kind of do, sir," replied Sam with a grin.

"I so hate this mission," grumbled Jack.

"Who are they?" Calvin asked Paige and Caitlyn.

"That's Daniel, Sam, Teal'c, and Jack," Paige answered, pointing to each member of SG-1 in turn. "This is our brother, Calvin."

"Thought there was a resemblance," Daniel muttered to Sam.

"CALVIN! CAITLYN! PAIGE!" screamed a woman's voice from one of the huts on the edge of the village. A middle-aged, harried woman who could only be the three siblings' mother ran towards the group, red with exhaustion and anger. "Where have you three been? I've been looking all over for you! Every time I need your help, you disappear!"

"That sounds oddly familiar," muttered Jack.

"Who are you?" demanded the woman. "Where did you come from, and what are you doing with my children?"

"Mom, they're Daniel, Sam, Teal'c, and Jack," explained Paige. "They're explorers from the Stargate."

"The giant ring?" asked Paige's mother. "No one's used it since before I was born!"

"I saw them, Mom," said Caitlyn. "The ring lit up, then there was this giant wave of water that shot out of it and got sucked back in. It looked as if the lake had been turned on its side in the ring. Then these weirdos came out of it."

"Great, I go from being a creepy man to being a weirdo," said Daniel.

"Hey, you were stealing my pet!" Caitlyn retorted.

"You mean _my_ pet!" interjected Paige.

"HEY!" yelled the mother. Everyone froze. "You!" She pointed to Paige. "Go look after the stew before it burns to the bottom of the pot, and don't talk to your sister."

Caitlyn stuck her tongue out at Paige as the older sister stalked off.

"And you!" the mother rounded on Caitlyn. "You stop with the fighting and go beat those rugs like I told you to an hour ago." She turned to Calvin and said, "And you go stack that firewood neatly beside the house like I told you. NOW!"

Caitlyn and Calvin ran off to obey their mother's orders, leaving SG-1 alone with the irate woman. The team unconsciously stepped back from her, afraid that now her children were gone, she'd turn her wrath on them.

Instead the woman smiled and said, "I'm sorry about that. Gotta keep the kids in line. My name's Hazel, Hazel O'Flaherty. You didn't seriously come through the stone ring, did you? You were just making that up for the kids. Are you from the village in the valley, Darby?"

"Uh, no, ma'am, we aren't from anywhere near this place," said Jack. "We did come through the Stargate."

"From a place called Earth," added Daniel. "We're explorers, we've come to learn about you and your culture."

"Sure you are," said Hazel. "The only time that anyone's come through that Stargate as you call it was in legend. Some devil woman named Bastet came through the ring, claimed she was a god, and tried to make us slaves, but it didn't work after an animal bit her and drew blood. The people started a rebellion and kicked her back through the Stargate a hundred generations ago."

"With children like those, I'm surprised Bastet didn't leave of her own free will," Sam muttered in Jack's ear.

"Were your ancestors the ones who wrote the, uh, derogatory remarks on the ruined temple near the Stargate?" asked Daniel.

Hazel sighed, "Yes, and teenagers have cut them deeper or added to them over the years."

"Hazel, my dear, are you going to introduce me to these people?" called a jovial male voice from the edge of the village. A burly man with a thick blonde beard strode up to the group, sizing up the three other men. He leered. "The kids told me you were up here talking to some strangers."

"Yes, Kevin," said Hazel, "these are Daniel, Jack, Sam, and Teal'c. This is my husband Kevin. These people say they've come through the Stargate to get to know us."

"Caitlyn said something about that when I saw her," said Kevin. "So what do you want to know about us?"

"We would like to form an alliance between your people and ours," said Daniel.

"Daniel, these people kicked out Bastet on their own," muttered Jack. "Somehow I don't think they need our help defending against the Goa'uld."

"Yes, but we might need their help," said Daniel.

"Yeah, I bet five minutes with Caitlyn, Paige, and Calvin would send Anubis running," added Sam.

"Those children were rather…disturbing," agreed Teal'c.

"MOM!" screamed Paige from the village below. No one turned, indicating that such an occurrence was normal, even though Paige's voice pierced SG-1's ears from a hundred meters away. "Caitlyn's beating me with the rug thing!"

"Wouldn't you like to bring one of them back with you, please?" asked Hazel.

"Now Hazel!" exclaimed Kevin. "Is that any way to talk about our beloved children in front of strangers? Especially ones who dress so oddly and carry excessive weaponry. Why do you carry those?" he asked, pointing to Jack's P-90.

"It's a dangerous galaxy out there," replied Jack. "It's good to have some protection."

"MOM!" Paige screamed again.

Hazel sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'd better go separate those two again. Kevin, please take care of the visitors." She took off at a fast walk and started yelling at Paige and Caitlyn at the edge of the village.

SG-1 looked at each other and Kevin, not liking the way Hazel said "take care of the visitors". In their experience, the next thing that usually happened was a gang of armed thugs attacked and took them prisoner. Though Kevin was alone, he was a rather large man and could prove a challenge to Teal'c. Kevin didn't help matters by glaring at Jack. Jack tried not to smile as he was reminded of a younger version of the sea captain on _The Simpsons_. Kevin would probably break the colonel in half if he did.

"So, you want to know about us, eh?" said Kevin as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Sounds to me you're spies from that no good lot over in Edysh. They've wanted access to our hunting and fishing grounds for two generations. Keep sneaking traps in the woods that catch our work animals and even a few of our children." He leaned close to O'Neill so that their noses were an inch apart. "I don't take kindly to people who almost cut off children's hands and feet in snares."

"Neither do we," said Jack, staring back at Kevin.

An earsplitting squeal like that of a balloon losing air directed Jack and Kevin's attention toward the edge of the village, dispelling the tension between them. Juju shot across the ground in a blur, flew up Daniel's leg, and dove into his pack.

"I burn," Dr. Jackson squeaked, biting his lip. Blood dotted his BDUs where Juju's claws ripped them open along with his flesh. 

Juju poked her head out of the pack, put a paw to her mouth, and hissed before diving back into the pack.

"I think she just told you to shut up, Daniel," said Jack. He smiled. "I'm really starting to like Juju."

Paige charged towards SG-1 and her father along Juju's path. "Dad!" she wailed between gasps. "Caitlyn hit Juju with the rug beater and chased her away. Did you see her run this way?"

"She probably ran off into the woods like she usually does," Kevin said. "She'll come back later, don't worry. Now get back to work before your mother finds out you left again."

"Actually, the stew's ready," said Paige. "That's part of the reason why I came up here."

Kevin turned to SG-1. "You are welcome to join us. I'd like to hear more about you and what exactly you want as a treaty between our peoples."

"We'd love to," said Daniel.

"You can sit next to me," Paige said as she grabbed Jack's hand and dragged him towards the village.

"Daniel!" Jack hissed.

Daniel smirked and waved as the colonel had to jog to keep up with the teenager.

"So much for the colonel getting away unscathed," Sam muttered in Daniel's ear.

"This had better make up for Caitlyn bruising my shin bones and Juju clawing the first five layers of skin off my leg and chest," said Daniel. Juju whimpered. "Well, your claws could flay a man alive!" he hissed at his pack.

"That's what we use her for," said Kevin. SG-1's eyes widened in horror. Kevin laughed. "No, no, we don't flay men alive. I meant that we use Juju's claws to make flaying knives. Those animals shed their claws once a year, and we collect and sell them. When Juju's claws become exceptionally sharp, that means that soon she'll shed them."

"Trust me, Juju will be shedding her claws shortly…that is, if she hasn't imbedded one or more in my flesh."

****

"So how did the mission go, Colonel?" asked General Hammond.

"Well, we now have conclusive proof that a seven-year-old girl can beat up Daniel, sir," replied Jack with a grin.

"Yeah, but a girl young enough to be your granddaughter had a crush on you, Jack," Daniel said.

"Hey! I'm not that old!" Jack exclaimed.

"There was still a huge age gap there."

The general waved his hands to stop the two from bickering further. "All right, debriefing in an hour, and after that I want all of you to get the hell out of here for a week's vacation."

"Woo hoo!" Jack yelled. "Not only did I get to see a little girl kick the crap outta Daniel, but I get a week's vacation fishing AND I don't have any injuries for ol' Doc Fraiser to fix for once!"

"That can be changed." Daniel glared and balled his hands into fists. "I'm sure Janet would love to see you again so soon after that last incident with the armadillos on PYX 777."

"How was I supposed to know those things carry leprosy? I thought we agreed that we weren't going to mention that incident again."

"And I thought I told you that we were never going to bring up Caitlyn kicking me in the shins."

"Daniel…"

"Jack…"

****

The End.


End file.
